He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
