either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
