I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize