apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
