My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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