i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize