Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
