When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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