apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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