I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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