I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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