Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
