I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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