I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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