My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
