didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
