and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
