Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
