you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My life is pants optional.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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