My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I could make wine with my vomit
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
