Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks. http://tfl.nu/2ww3
  Replies (11) Good night (489) Bad night (2366)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth. (419): I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat. http://tfl.nu/rzvc
  Replies (10) Good night (2909) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (51) Good night (15101) Bad night (2384)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead http://tfl.nu/8a8b
  Replies (25) Good night (4608) Bad night (1591)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas? http://tfl.nu/mq53
  Replies (15) Good night (6229) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me http://tfl.nu/zcpa
  Replies (6) Good night (4048) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL http://tfl.nu/gcph
  Replies (7) Good night (1692) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency". http://tfl.nu/5vs5
  Replies (7) Good night (3172) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not. http://tfl.nu/b9k9
  Replies (6) Good night (669) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body! http://tfl.nu/7w2d
  Replies (4) Good night (1140) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas. http://tfl.nu/72c6
  Replies (3) Good night (848) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea http://tfl.nu/q7zc
  Replies (5) Good night (573) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever... http://tfl.nu/nfkk
  Replies (5) Good night (792) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger. http://tfl.nu/3n2g
  Replies (2) Good night (542) Bad night (191)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking.... http://tfl.nu/vznz
  Replies (1) Good night (606) Bad night (214)

Randomize