sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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