Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize