its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.