My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.