You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?