Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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