Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
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It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?