I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.