My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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