I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
