Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
