Joe is yelling at the trees again.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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