so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
