in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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