The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
should my penis look like a turkey
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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