did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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