I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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