Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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