Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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