Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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