Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
