Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
