Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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