I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
