You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
