Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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