Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
