i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize