Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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