god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Text me some of your sweat
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
