i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize