I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
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So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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