so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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