my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
